1. Annette Grantham says

    Thanks for writing about this. I have been in your situation while my daughter was in college and even after. I did finally stop helping her financially and unfortunately, she took it as I was supporting her in any way. So our relationship is estranged. I hope she will come around someday. It is a hard thing with our children. We want to help them but we also want them to be self-sufficient.

    • Tuppenny says

      Sorry to hear your daughter took your decision badly. It’s such a difficult position to be in. As a parent you need to support your children but part of that support is to ensure they can stand on their own two feet.

      I really hope you are able to reconnect in the future.

  2. Faith @MuchMoreWithLess says

    Such a tough position for you and your daughter. Must be very difficult. I don’t think it is always possible to treat two children with fundamentally different personalities and needs exactly the same. Spending money to help your daughter become financially self-sufficient, by funding workshops etc, seems eminently sensible if you can afford it. Good luck to you all and I hope she stays well!

    • Tuppenny says

      Thanks Faith. I guess it’s all about horses for courses. DD2 currently needs help financially whereas I am helping DD1 on a regular basis with non-financial support. Hopefully DD1 sees that the help I provide her is comparable to that which I give DD2.

      I’ve got 18 months until DD2 graduates so I have time to drip feed and support her in gaining her financial wings. THanks for stopping by!

  3. Ms ZiYou says

    That sounds like you are in a really difficult situation there with DD2 – you have handled it amazingly well, please give yourself a big pat on the back and don’t try to beat yourself up over it.

    Small steps towards the way you want to go seem the best approach, starting to encourage her to think about saving for the future and planning for things that come up. In some ways student finance is much harder to budget, coming in termly rather than weekly or monthly.

    • Tuppenny says

      Termly payments really aren’t helpful when you have difficulty managing money that’s for sure. She made a good start by saving a chunk of the bursary she was given and spending it wisely over 9 months. Summer may be the test for me. I think tackling the subject when she raises it would be a good approach. Thank you for my pat in the back!

  4. Susan says

    It sounds as if you’re taking the right steps to help her learn the money skills she needs. You can’t tie yourself in knots, second guessing whether you did the right thing or not. You can only keep working towards her independence. And your older daughter may well understand that you’re helping her in other ways. Have you ever talked to DD1 to find out what she actually thinks of it all? I’m sure she would appreciate what you have done. After all you made sure that she had the skills which have led to her having her own business.

    On a practical note, would it be worth tying up a good chunk of your disposable income in long term savings/investments as you could then honestly tell DD2 that you don’t have the money to continue to help outa.

    Good luck in any case!

    • Tuppenny says

      Unfortunately DD1 thinks I spoil her sister and isn’t party to the subtleties of her condition. Indeed she chooses to believe most of it is in her sisters gift to change and is/was teenage behaviour.

      I don’t volunteer financial info to DD1 for this reason. However I am helping her out at the moment which is saving her money so she’s getting her share. And she’s 10 years older!

      I do intend to tie up our money, when we move! But promised not to move until DD2 graduates,(that coping with change thing). Thank you for your thoughts .

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